Soccer (from the old Latin for "dreadfully boring"), took centre stage the other night in Moscow, with an all-English European Champions League final between Chelsea of London and Manchester United (whom most of my English friends refer to simply as the "scum" - though they pronounce it "scoom").

For some inexplicable reason - it must have been a EU committee that decided on such after a series of meetings in Brussels - the finals MUST start at 8.45pm CET (Central European Time), which meant 9.45pm in Israel and 10.45pm in Moscow (and, of course, 2.15am in Mumbai - go figure).

To Muscovites and all of Europe's endless delight, the game ended after 90 minutes and 30 minutes overtime in a scintillating, fascinating and otherwise delightful 1-1 tie, which then led us into the further drama of penalty kicks, which eventually ended around 1.45am local Moscow time (5.15am in Mumbai) in victory for the Scoom.

'One of the great things about soccer is that you can - as I did - fall asleep for 20 minutes during overtime, wake up and discover that you have missed exactly nothing'


One of the great things about soccer (or football, as it is called in some other places) is that you can - as I did - fall asleep for 20 minutes during overtime, wake up and discover that you have missed exactly nothing (I woke up just in time to see Didier Drogba from Chelsea slap some conniving Scoomer in the face and get red carded, i.e. ejected, for his actions).

Frankly, it was a big night for me: I actually stayed awake for 90 minutes, and had someone actually won during regular time, I could have claimed that I stayed awake at least once for an entire game (or "match", as it is called). Alas, I still cannot make the claim that I have made it through a whole game without falling asleep (of course, my family and friends will tell you that I don't make it through a lot of things without falling asleep...).

The sad part of all this is that I am of course, an avid sports fan, and not only will I watch almost any sports event, but I have even learned about and enjoy rugby (though I prefer rugby union over rugby league; or is it the other way around? I always get them confused...), Aussie rules football (entertainingly brutal - and who are those funny referees dressed in white standing under the goalposts?) and even good one-day international cricket (yes, I know what "lbw" means), though I draw the line at five-day Test matches  - they always seem to end in a draw. I still have a hard time with any sport that informs me that "England were 121 for 4 at tea" and breaks for lunch.

Of course, much ink has been spilled in books and on the Internet bemoaning this rather boring game (if you Google "I Hate Soccer", the first entry is "The Soccer Sucks" page). Lord knows that Americans have tried everything possible to make soccer popular in the US - Pele, bringing the World Cup to the US, David Beckham, you name it - and nothing, nothing is ever going to work.

Americans hate 0-0 and 1-1, and soccer has way too much of that. Drogba and Frank Lampard both hit the post and the crossbar last night - sorry, not good enough. "Good try" is not in the American lexicon ("Hey! George III - good try mate!"). They hate referees who keep the official time on the field and seemingly arbitrarily add/subtract injury time according to some criteria only known to them.

The fact that the rest of world LOVES soccer and treats it like a religion... is probably only a commentary on the rest of the world, and not on the game itself.