Referee Fixes Games for the Mob. The National Basketball Association was shocked to release that information. News media outlets headlined: Could there be more?  Has the Mafia infiltrated the Games?   Commissioner Stern Horrified!  Basketball organisations worldwide were up in arms, "How could this happen? Are our games being 'fixed' as well?"

Of course, this is something fans have known for quite some time. All games are fixed. As one fan said:  "Absolutely the games are fixed. Referees have been against my team since I can remember."  If you think this is not true, then ask yourself: When was the last time my team was treated fairly by the referees? How often do you find yourself saying, "That ref needs glasses." Trust me, they have perfect eyesight.

I suspect, that for every questionable 'bad call'  that goes against your favorite team, something sinister has led that referee to a wrong conclusion. We need to change the system. I have a solution.

'We need to change the system. I have a solution'


I suggest the honor system.

Before you belittle my proposal as silly, remember this is the same way it's called on playgrounds and gyms throughout the world. It's tried and proven and has worked for years. And only a few people have died using this method over what, 70-80 years?

It works this way.

All players who think they have committed a foul will raise their hand and say "My Foul." If a player thinks he was fouled, he yells "You fouled me."  If the players don't agree, both will glare at each other, yelling  "You  fouled me! . . . No I didn't! . . . Yes you did! . . . No I didn't, you turkey, I didn’t touch you! . . . Then how did I get this cut?"

At this point, a Jerry Springer-like guy with a microphone comes onto the court moderating the exchange and encouraging the crowd to get involved. The crowd decides who is right by voting. (Home court advantage will take on new meaning). The NBA can use this new system to even make money. Fans watching on television can call a telephone number and vote for their guy, let's say for 1.95 a vote. Was Kobe Bryant fouled? Press 1 for Yes or 2 for No.

Flagrant 'hard fouls'  will be handled in a similar way, except pre-chosen fans, by ticket drawing, will be allowed to throw chairs onto the floor to demonstrate their anger.

Fights will be allowed between players. They will be resolved at center court with all the lights off, except for appropriate spotlights. This will happen as half-time entertainment.

Violations such as traveling, palming, double dribbles, in bound time lapses, etc.. will not be called. (The NBA doesn't call them anyway) So no one will care.

I propose jump balls to be handled in one of two ways. Both players struggle to rip the ball away from each other. A real test of macho strength. (none of this sissy stuff, “Oh, we both touched the ball, so let’s toss it up”)  with the winning player slamming the ball to the ground, (like a National Football League touchdown demonstration) and yelling “Take that you sucker!”

Or my favorite:  Referees have no idea how to toss a ball up. The solution, oh this is good. Place the ball on the ground at center court. All the players stand behind the center circle and when the Public Address Announcer yells Go!  they all dive for the ball. Tell me that's not more fair than the stuff they give us now. At the very least it will be more exciting.

The other solution, or fix, would be the "Chick Hearn" way. The Los Angeles Laker game announcer wanted no fouls called at all. "No harm, no foul, no blood, no guts, no death, THEN NO FOUL!!"  He always wanted a free flowing, fast-paced game. And free throws slowed it down. That would accomplish that for sure, but we might not have any players left, by the end of the game.

Basketball purists will scoff at my idea. But what do they know? Look at the system we have now. Referees decide the outcome, little guys in Zebra costumes who can’t even throw the ball up straight, but surely know how to throw the game away.

If you keep the old way, just think of the signs that will litter the arenas this year. Fixed! We Was Robbed! Say it Ain’t So! Change to my way and you’ll see signs like Mangle Him! Kick Him in the Groin! Make Them Pay!!!

Now tell me, which way is better? That’s what I thought.

Any more thoughts on how to brighten up the game? Post your comments below or submit your own plans in an article to Sportingo.