The big blue ocean skirts South Africa's sun-drenched coastline and is a great training ground for South African cricketers.

These waters are home to some fierce marine creatures like giant sea crocodiles and the great white shark, which are a bit of a handful to try to catch.

I'm told the Baggy Greens are barely a handful this season but nonetheless you can't ever be over-prepared so I recommend Proteas captain Graeme Smith employs some of his famous catch-and-tag techniques on Ricky Ponting and the lads.

Catch and tag is all we want to do. We don't want to completely maul the Aussies because they're cute (especially the girlish blonde one) and shortly to become an endangered species.

So Smith and the lads have set off fishing in preparation for the Aussie tour. You might think that's not good practice at all, but just look at how we do it and how effective it will be on the Aussies!

When catching a giant sea croc, you need a big slab of meat. The hindquarters of a donkey or Ricky's head and shoulders would do.

You put the juicy blood-dripping chunk of meat on to a giant hook and attach a strong steel cable from it to a 200-gallon drum.

The rest is easy. You throw this lot into the sea and when the croc takes the bait, you let him roll himself to exhaustion and entanglement and haul his wary bones onto the boat. Simple - and also effective with Saggy Green cricketers. Metaphorically speaking, of course !

The technique Smith uses to catch great white sharks is a little trickier and normally you'd need an Aussie surfer silly enough to allow you to tow him behind your boat holding a can of XXXX lager. (I know that sounds absurd, but you know Australians!)

When the shark surfaces, you tell the Aussie that the Baggy Greens are going to beat the Proteas and when he says, 'Cheers!' you say, 'Cheers, mate!'

Whammo! You haul in the great white shark and get rid of any flotsam and surfboard remains/evidence.

Tagging and releasing the undersized Aussies Down Under isn't gonna be quite as tricky this season, but I think Smith will be sufficiently prepared for when the Aussies are pan-size in a season or two. They're throw-backs this season.