I have always found the annual back-slapping ICC awards a little staid and predictable, with the usual players and teams picking up the top awards. So in the true spirit of Christmas, I hereby generously give out my Alternative Awards for the year gone by.

The Courtney Walsh Award for Batting: Chris Martin of New Zealand, a truly inept batsman. I do not think I have ever seen him score a run, although his statistics tell me otherwise. His namesake from Coldplay would stand a better chance of hitting a double figure score.

The Colin Miller Award for Best Haircut: Lasith Malinga has been unchallenged since his introduction to world cricket, but in 2007 has been usurped by a new kid on the block, Roger Daltry, aka Ryan Sidebottom.

'The way Shiv Chanderpaul has batted this year whilst his team-mates meekly raised the white flag was nothing short of heroic'


The Frank Sinatra Comeback Award: Sourav Ganguly. Does this man know the meaning of the word goodbye? Maybe Greg Chappell did him a favour after all.

The Saturday Night Fever Back to the 1970s Award: Yes, it was all long sideburns, wide flares and mitten batting gloves as England’s World Cup campaign stepped back in time. It was all about steady opening partnerships and saving wickets for the end. England last used that tactic in the 1979 final, and they ended up losing that as well.

The Spice Girls Whose Bright Idea Was it to Make a Comeback Award: Dead heat this one between James Kirtley and Jeremy Snape. Recalled to the England squad for the ICC Twenty20 Championship, their contributions amounted to a match apiece and figures of 2*, one over for 17, and one over for 12 respectively.

The Sweet Innocence of Youth Award: Bangladeshi opener Tamim Iqbal for his startling innings against India in the World Cup, helping his team to an inspired and well-deserved victory. The maximum he smote off Zaheer Khan over mid-wicket remained the shot of the tournament.

The Amoeba Award for the Spinelessness: Another close one as the West Indies and New Zealand both displayed a massive lack of backbone, the Windies in their four-Test series against England and the Black Caps in their recent tour of South Africa. But their sheer inability to score more than 188 in four attempts and failure to win their tour game and all but one of the ODIs sees the Kiwis walk off with the trophy.

The Zimbabwe v Australia Upset Award: Zimbabwe-Australia in the ICC Twenty20 Championship - it is always sad to see the Australians lose (irony doesn’t come across as well in the written form).

The Paul Gascoigne Award for Wasted Talent: By a clear distance, Shoaib Akhtar. Banned substances, cricket bats, dodgy injuries and illness, such a waste.

The Michael Slater Nervous 90s Award: Sachin Tendulkar, dodgy decisions, dodgy shots, still not a bad problem for a batsman to have.

The Gavin Hamilton (if you have never heard of him, check out his Test stats) How Does He Get in the Team Award: Brad Hodge, in a country with more heavy-scoring middle-order batsman than kangaroos. He is still in the national squad despite consistently low scores and poor fielding.

The “My, that was odd” Peculiar Decision of the Year Award: To the South Africa selectors for leaving the best all-rounder in the world out of the ICC Twenty20 Championship held in their home country. We are talking about Jacques Kallis.

The George Cross for Extreme Bravery As All His Comrades Deserted Their Posts Award: Shiv Chanderpaul, the way he has batted this year while his team-mates meekly raised the white flag was nothing short of heroic.

The Sun Award for Contribution to Headline Writing Award: To Andrew Flintoff: Freddie Flintoff+Alcohol+Water-borne vehicle = Fredalo!

The Appreciate Him While He’s Around Award: Muttiah Muralitharan, the man is a genius, always smiling. Leave him alone cricket is lucky to have him.

The Personal Note of Thanks Award: From me to all cricketers worldwide who play this wonderful game and enrich the lives of millions around the world performing and entertaining crowds.