TS Elliot couldn't be happier than Graeme Smith when it comes to measuring and summarising retiring New Zealand pretender Stephen Fleming.Elliot measured his life out in coffee spoons, while Smith would no doubt go for something more New Zealand-like and rustic, perhaps a great wooden spoon.

Proteas fans have memories like African elephants and Fleming will forever stick in their memories as New Zealand's Captain 'Slimy' and a perfect negative example and cautionary tool for educating children about victims of the dark side of sport.

Maybe the Black Caps earned that name and colour coding somewhere during the Fleming era of captaincy. Looking at the belittlement that the old-timer heaped on the young Smith during his career, I think it's fitting that Fleming gets a proper send-off, or even payback.

'Stevie, New Zealand cricket fans will place you on their altar and worship your mediocrity'


But it was poor Daniel Vettori who had to bear the brunt of the revenge this season, as the South Africans sent the Black Caps home in bodybags.

The much-vaunted Shane Bond was one of the first to exit; he knew he'd bitten off a wee bit more than he could chew. In the end, the score was settled and the Kiwis have learned a vital lesson in cricket - don't box above your weight, and if you do, then keep it above the belt.

As for Fleming, he had the audacity to wade into Smith (then a 24-year-old) and give him a blistering piece of his mind. The youngster was obviously shaken, never having experienced such devilish behaviour. Fans hit the record button and stored the tape.

Now, the old devil Fleming has hung up his boots and Proteas fans are doing some reckoning for the Dark One.

Fleming has scraped his way into the 40 club when it comes to averages. In modern cricket, even he will tell you, that's just not good enough. The 27-year-old Smith weighs in at almost 49 (and counting).

Smith in fact, has overshadowed Fleming in every department, except for ducks - Smith's four double tons against three for Fleming and a scoring rate of 61 per 100 balls against 45.

The bitter pill for Fleming to swallow, along with his words aimed at Smith, must be the fact that his career is now over, while Smith just keeps churning out runs and runs and runs (and records).

Stevie, New Zealand cricket fans will place you on their altar and worship your mediocrity.