The Ashes would not be the Ashes without a good dose of sledging (for the uninitiated, impolite chit-chat aimed at a batsman). As cricket fans know, the Aussies lead the world in this particular activity but to get in the Ashes groove, here is one Englishman’s advice on how to sledge the Aussies at their own game. Andrew Flintoff and Co,  are you ready?

Matthew Hayden (obsessive gum chewer): “Matty, why don’t you stick that gum on the edge of the bat – the ball seems to be following it.’’

Justin Langer (played for English county Somerset in the summer): “Hey Langer, is that cider running down your trousers or are you just frightened of Harmy?”

Ricky Ponting (run out controversially by Gareth Pratt in last Ashes series): “Rick, remind us of what a pratt you are?”

Damien Martyn (very poor Ashes series in 2005): Hello babe magnet, you’ll be out again tonight for a single.”

Michael Clarke (dropped, then recalled by Aussie selectors): “Well, look what we have here, Skippy, bouncing in and out of the squad.”

Michael Hussey (new ‘kid’ on the block, Test debut at 36) “Grandad, your bat’s shaking, did you get down the pavilion steps in a chairlift?”

Adam Gilchrist (rumours of him being dropped from Aussie one-day squad): Be careful now, or you’ll get dropped from the Test squad as well.”

Shane Warne (dropped Kevin Pietersen and possibly the Ashes at the Oval): “Lucky you can bowl a bit Warnie, you can’t catch.”

Brett Lee (can’t always get to the speed he is famous for): “Brett, can you bowl a bit faster, please. I don’t want my kids telling me how easy it was hitting you to the fence.”

Shaun Tait (new kid on the block, fast but wayward bowler): “Shaun, see those three pieces of wood, that’s the target, not the big white square thing on wheels on the boundary rope.”

Glenn McGrath (loss of form in last Ashes series): “Glenn, what the hell are you doing here, the train to the bush for the country league game left an hour ago.”