I must have dozed off in front of the telly yesterday because I had the strangest dream. Well, you could say it was a bit of a nightmare really.

There was this team, they’re nearly always dressed in red, big and tough and they really can be devils at times. You don’t mess with them unless you want a right slapping.

And there was this other team. Now I’ve seen them before and they sometimes try to make themselves look like the first team because they usually wear red, but they’re not as good.

But this time they were like big giants in grey suits of armour, and they seemed to have these jets attached that made them faster than anything I’ve seen for a long time. Jeez, they were like lightning.

Funny thing was, though, that these first tough guys who play like the very Devil, were dressed like little red jelly babies. True! Jelly babies! Never seen anything like it; they couldn’t run, they couldn’t kick the ball – and when they did they kept falling over – and they just hadn’t a clue what was going on.

The big guys (the ones with the jet-packs on their backs) must have felt sorry for the jelly babies because they gave them a goal start. But it didn’t make any difference because they were just having a laugh.

There was this one red jelly baby who couldn’t run at all, and this big grey brute who just whooshed past him to score a goal. And then another jelly baby with no legs threw his little body in front of another of these giants, tripped him up and that was another goal.

Then this first red jelly baby who couldn’t run at all got himself in trouble again when he tripped up another giant, and the big man in black who plays with a whistle had seen enough – he just gobbled up the red jelly baby. Yuk!

But the big guys didn’t take pity on the jelly babies just because they’d lost one. They scored two more goals just to make it look as though all the jelly babies had lost their legs.

This was turning into the worst dream I’d had for a long time, until I noticed that the jelly baby who’s usually the toughest and most reliable Devil of all, the one who throws himself around like Superman and stops the ball going in the net, was BLUE.

I suddenly realised that it had to be a dream because we all know they don’t make BLUE jelly babies.

Then it got really bad as I was suddenly awakened to a voice telling me . . . “They got stuffed 4-1!”