Would you be brave, bold, daft enough to tap into Sir Alex Ferguson's phone?

I imagine if one did the conversation would go something like this! "Who the f***'s that? What's goin' on here! How do ye fancy a ramrod up yer kilt? Get tae f*** ya bassa!"

The News of the World are accused of allegedly tapping into celebrities' mobile phones - Sir Alex among them. Granted, getting in on the transfer dealings at Old Trafford and maybe a clue as to Manchester United's tactics in their next match would be riveting reading for some.

But really, would it be worth the hot blast of porridge, Scotch and Clydeside vitriol bouncing around your eardrums, never mind having to constantly be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your natural?!

I think not. Not many reporters, or anyone else for that matter, bother to ask Fergie anything like a probing question at the few press conferences he deems to attend these days. If anyone does get near doing that, he has a response that cuts everyone and everything dead as he spits back, on one notable occasion at least: "Away and write your shite!"

Nuff said! So if you are thinking of having a go at phone tapping, choose a softer target......if you value the skin you live in!