It's that time of year again when the rumours are hot and heavy and fiction becomes reality. We’ll do our best to help you stay on top of all the latest, greatest and lamest winter transfer window news. Here are some Grade A nibbles . . .

You’re going to need a programme guide to figure out who is playing for Sunderland these days. The Black Cats have once again made a move, this time signing 18-year-old Arsenal striker Anthony Stokes. The wunderkid decided that things are more fun at Sunderland than they would be if he signed for Celtic or Charlton.

Former Sunderland player and current Manchester City bench-warmer Claudio Reyna is ready to take his unibrow elsewhere. At 33, his body is beaten up and he won’t cost a fortune. Taking a page from the Figo fiasco, Sheffield United were a bit too eager to unveil their new signing, Leeds United centre back Matthew Kilgallon, whose last name makes me think of Star Trek.

Milan Baros has said 'gracias', but 'non gracias' to Real Sociedad. The Aston Villa striker has scored just one more time than you and I this year. Remember when he was the flavour of the month? Henrik Larsson was a star in Manchester United's win on Saturday so that is enough to start the rumours that they are eager to keep the Dane around a little bit longer than just three months, or at least until Wayne Rooney starts scoring again.

Chelsea are apparently interested in FC Porto winger Ricardo Quaresma, even though they aren’t really interested in anything other than a defender. Speaking of which, Hertha Berlin defender Josip Simunic is interested in helping Chelsea accumulate more cards. I love it when players start their own rumours.

Real Madrid has reportedly offered to unload the big load that is Ronaldo onto AC Milan’s bank account but the Serie A giants are less than eager to welcome Ronaldo and Antonio Cassano into their fold. But they are eager to sign Lazio defender Massimo Oddo.

Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez appear to be forever doomed to a life at West Ham, at least until the end of the season when those pesky rules about playing for a certain number of clubs in one year run out.

Hearts have down the unthinkable. They have signed more Lithuanians. There probably is a punchline to the joke: “How many Lithuanian keepers are needed to screw in a light bulb?” But it is Monday and my brain is still on the couch watching the FA Cup.

Olympique Marseille could use a little more love so it is only natural that they turn to Russia for that warm-hearted and cold-blooded killer, CSKA midfielder Evgeni Aldonin.

Bayern Munich are ready to take out the cheque book so they can purchase another championship side. Franck Ribery is evidently among their many targets, but they will have to wait at a very long and expensive line to get a shot at him. Ribery and Oliver Kahn on the same team? Oh, the visual horrors!

Who would you like your team to sign? Let us know at sportingo.com