The Champions League is back in the form of Noah's Ark, with the 16 candidates walking into the stadia two by two, dreaming of a sunny day in Athens in May. But who will survive the first flood?

Real Madrid v Bayern Munchen (first leg: 3-2)
Only a skeleton is left from these two big names. It's not so much about who is better, rather who is less bad. Real need to cope with a stubborn and vain manager in Fabio Cappello, whereas Bayern have brought in their army commander Otmar Hitzfeld only to prove that it is totally insignificant how much experience and charisma your manager carries with him, when the squad is as deep as a pond in the desert. So take your pick.  1. The result doesn’t matter, the winner will not survive the quarters, anyway. 2. Real Madrid, since their Dutch-English combo (David Beckham – Ruud van Nistelrooy) is better than Bayern's (Owen Hargreaves – Roy Mackay).

Celtic v Milan (first leg: 0-0)
Until a few days ago, all friends, foes, analysers and occasional tourists were inclined towards the Scottish champions, despite the obvious disadvantages (being in the KO stage for the first-time ever, and facing such experienced rivals). But since Milan beat Siena 4-3 on Saturday, the trend is changing and the credit has tilted again the Rossoneri way. It has to do with Milan's Serie A recovery (fifth spot currently) and the arrival of Ronaldo from Real Madrid. But Il Fenomeno is not eligible for the Champions League, and the front line of Gilla, Pippo Inzaghi and Ricardo Oliveira most of the time resembles a serial stutter. Nevertheless, Celtic themselves are not such a big scoring machine in Europe, and they will balance any of the Italian inadequacies with their dismal away record. Which means the tie will be decided at the San Siro, which means Milan.

Lille v Manchester United(first leg: 0-1)
Well, no need for too much analysing and deliberating here. The French outfit may force a drab draw in the first leg, but will have to kiss the tournament goodbye at Old Trafford. United are too good to be bothered even with the "dirty" tactics Sir Alex is warning of (mainly to get the ref's attention).

PSV Eindhoven v  Arsenal (first leg: 1-0)
This is probably the closest encounter of them all. On the one hand, PSV lost only twice at home during 2006. On the other hand, those two defeats were to Liverpool and Bordeaux in the CL. On the one hand, the Dutch champions have lost only four times in the last 30 matches, on the other – they have just won their first match in 2007. On the one hand, Arsenal are the European finalists. On the other – they have not yet found the right blend in Europe and have not scored in their last two CL matches. On the one hand they are still unbeaten at the Emirates, but on the other they have already lost five times away from home. So how do we separate them? Thierry Henry – Jefferson Farfan, Tomas Rosicky – Cocu, Fabregas – Jason Culina. It's Gunners against catapults.

Barcelona v Liverpool (first leg: 1-2)
Craig Bellamy walks on to the Nou Camp pitch with a golf club in his hand, and starts chasing John Arne Riise. Jermaine Pennant joins in with a pint under his arm. Rafa Benitez jumps from the dug-out, trying to block both, but is immediately tackled by Samuel Eto'o, who trips him. This is the cue for Frank Riikaard to hurl himself into the arena to stop the Cameroon striker, but apparently there is no need; Ronaldinho and Carles Puyol grab Eto'o by the throat and toe him outside. And the winner in this encounter between the last two European Champions is the one whose quality on the field can be detached the furthest from the ongoings outside it. I go for Liverpool.

Porto v Chelsea(first leg: 1-1)
Look at the domestic front: Porto are having a ball, top of the league, 4-0 against Naval at the weekend, and Jose Mourinho coming to town seemingly in the middle of a mid-life crisis at the Bridge. Crisis? What crisis? Chelsea are the only European team still involved in all four possible competitions. They are through to the Carling Cup final and FA Cup quarter-final, are only six points adrift of the Premier League summit, and have comfortably reached the last 16 of the Champions League. With captain John Terry back to fitness and leadership, they will soon find themselves in the last eight.

Roma v Lyon(first leg: 0-0)
All roads lead to, er, Lyon. Roma are developing nicely, thank you. But the chick needs more time to grow into a rooster, or better still, a yellow-red peacock. Roma's instability is responsible for their second fiddle role in Serie A, and like Inter, Lyon possess the same cohesive team qualities which will be too high a hurdle even for Francesco Totti, Simone Perrotta and Rodrigo Taddei. Not Taddei, Roma.

Inter v Valencia (first leg: 2-2)
Who deserves more respect, the history makers from San Siro who have just broken the European record for consecutive league wins (16) or the Spanish challengers from the Mestalla who prepared for the CL by beating the hell out of European champions Barcelona? Inter have much more to prove and lose. The Nerazzuri nightmare consists of losing to Valencia and providing all the doubters with fresh ammunition about a great record which was achieved only because of an Italian league poorer and duller than an Italian stadium. Valencia may discover that leaving Europe at this stage can serve them pretty well in challenging for La Liga. But the Spaniards are ambitious, well-equipped and stronger.

This article was originally published two weeks ago - before the last 16 started. How relevant will it be after the second leg on Tuesday and Wednesday? Send us your comments.