I really, really hate the England national football team. And yes, I am English. Maybe it’s the intolerable arrogance that accompanies any half-a**ed victory. Maybe it’s the human slug Terry Venables being back on the scene, only now with baked-on tan. Maybe it’s the press trying to convince us that Stuart Downing really is international class. Or maybe it’s the fact that the manager and the players are inexcusably touting Peter Crouch as a goal machine, capable of breaking Bobby Charlton’s goal record – when the likes of Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer could not – because Crouch scored against Andorra, Jamaica and Trinidad & Tobago.

Whatever the reasons, I now find myself wanting England to lose heavily each time they play. This actually started long before the World Cup. As an Everton supporter, I quickly realised that the sight of Steven Gerrard crying after another England loss would give me far more joy than seeing him wheel away in delight after a goal. I’m often interested to know how Manchester City or Tottenham fans feel when they see Manchester United’s Gary Neville or Ex-Arsenal Sol Campbell pulling on the Three Lions. Is all forgiven for the sake of patriotism? Am I the only supporter who doesn’t swell up with pride at seeing one of my club’s players putting themselves at risk in the middle of the season?

Can we honestly say that we can both be so genuinely passionate about our hatred for these players during the Premiership season and then again in support of them for England? I doubt it. Internationals are an unwelcome distraction and a detriment to our bread and butter, the reason we follow the sport in the first place – our clubs.

So I’m starting the “We Hate England” fan club, and you may be eligible for membership if you…

…laugh at those that think Crouch scoring twice against Andorra means anything more than scoring twice against Andorra. In games against decent opposition in the World Cup he offered nothing but an ineffective target, despite playing more minutes than anyone. Oh wait, but he scored against Trinidad and Tobago so we may as well knight him now.

…find it hysterical that England supporters tout their midfield as the best in the world. Lampard, Hargreaves, Gerrard and Downing? Seriously?

…love the fact that England now have a coach whose career consists of a handful of mid-table finishes, a thrashing in the UEFA Cup Final after two incredibly lucky wins on the way there, and a League Cup. This is a coach who actually had a season ticket thrown in his face by a disgruntled Middlesbrough supporter. Surely a dubious first in international management?

…remember that he more than played his part in what was one of the most uninspiring World Cup performances ever and, as much as he might like to claim otherwise, no one believes that someone as meek as Sven was marching about making crazy decisions with the support of his staff.

So please, Mr. McClaren, please give Darren Bent a go and stay the hell away from AJ. We’ve got Liverpool coming up.