I may not have balls of crystal, but some of my comments on this site in August were strangely prophetic. So Sylvia Dustbin is now Stillhere Distin, but Ben Thatcher has found his usual form and Stuart Pearce has indeed pulled on a City shirt again – be it only in a friendly against Ballymena. I watched the highlights on the heavily edited “on-message” Inside MCFC programme on Channel M. My 16-year-old nephew said that Stuart Pearce didn’t look out of place even at 44. The reason, of course, is that the rest of the team played like 44-year-olds and the scoreline of Ballymena 1 City 3 flattered us no end.

It’s the same old story. Our exciting new signings are either crocked or serving suspensions for red cards. We seem to have a habit of buying expensive European keepers who can’t train or play in a friendly without breaking an ankle or ripping their Achilles tendons. We continue to rely on old stagers or Academy products.

After the Arsenal game I was asked where this season’s goals are coming from. The answer I gave was “all from penalties scored by Joey Barton”. Fast-forward to the away game against Reading and this seems to be the likely scenario. Indeed, “fast forward” is exactly what we don’t have as a team or in respect of the forward positions. Bernardo Corradi is a yard off the pace (as was Robbie Fowler before him): Paul Dickov irritates defenders but can’t finish: Georgios Samaras has all the grace of Arthur Mullard in a City strip. Our only natural goalscorer was Andrew Cole, now departed for Gaydamak’s Geriatrics on the south coast to spend more time with his wallet. The last time we had any pace up front was from the talented but unloved Nicolas Anelka, now plying his trade for Big Sam at the Breezeblock Stadium.

I presume Psycho has by now realised all this, and recognises the direct correlation between the lack of forward movement on the pitch and downward movement in the Premiership table. Fans continue to be amazed at his cheerful interviews after each match, when he happily takes the blame, says he’s “learning all the time”, is so proud of his players who are going to roll up their sleeves and reward the fans next week blah blah. Not much evidence of that at Blackburn. No attack, no defence, a sloppy goal gifted from a throw-in and, hey presto – 17th in the table. I hope he can motivate his players for the Carling Cup at Chesterfield or I’ll give him three or four games before he has all the time he needs to go on a media course. All you crossword freaks out there will by now have worked out that Pearce is an anagram of “crapee”.

Well, he’d better stop talking it if he doesn’t want to be stood in it.