LATE MOMENTS IN SPORT: Bill Shankly was fuming on the night several of his Liverpool superstars arrived back at their Belgian hotel 45 minutes later than the boss. ‘’Where do you lot think you’ve been?’’ blazed Shanks as Ron Yeats, Ian St John, Roger Hunt and Ian Callaghan returned from a drinking session well after the manager’s midnight curfew. ‘’That’s it!’’ he ranted at Yeats, St John and Hunt. ‘’You’ll never play for Liverpool again - and you can forget about international football as well. You’re finished!.’’ Then, turning to his blue-eyed boy Callaghan, he added: ‘’And I’m going to tell your missus about you.’’

EMMY AWARD: Hard-man Tommy Smith had two pet hates in football - Leeds United's Allan Clarke and his own skipper at Liverpool, Emlyn Hughes. And not necessarily in that order. When Hughes clashed with Clarke in a goalmouth melee and old squeaky voice Emlyn found himself on the deck with blood pouring from his nose, Smithy showed himself in his true colours. ''Maybe that Clarke's not such a bad bloke after all,'' muttered Tom the compassionate.

CROTCH OF THE DAY: With manager Jock Stein in hospital, Celtic No.2 Sean Fallon was dealing with press enquiries at Parkhead. When one reporter phoned to enquire about an injury to Scotland full-back Danny McGrain, Irishman Fallon admitted: ‘’I don’t think he’ll make Saturday’s game. He’s suffering from a Grain stroin.’’

GENTLE-MAN JIM: It threatened to be a bloody battle. Spurs and Burnley had fought out a particularly vicious FA Cup stalemate - and the replay promised to be even more physical. The teams were kicking in before the game when Jimmy Greaves, who was never noted for his ball-winning ability, approached his equally timid-tackling opposite number Jimmy McIlroy. ‘’Hey Jim, why don’t we mark each other?,’’ said goal-king Greavsie. ‘’Then neither of us will get hurt.’’

''I admitted to the judge that I'd lied on oath but he didn't believe me'' - Tommy Docherty

TOM AND JURY: Tommy Docherty was always the first person to poke fun at himself - as with his version of the infamous court case in which he was accused of perjury - and acquitted. ‘’I admitted to the judge I’d lied on oath, but he didn’t believe me,’’ is one of the one-time Manchester United boss’s classic quips. Tongue-in-cheek Tom is also particularly proud of his dubious achievement as manager of Rotherham United. ‘‘I promised the chairman I’d get them out of the Second Division (now the Championship) and I did,’’ he recalls. ‘’I took them into the Third.’’

EIRE RAID WARNING: League of Ireland champions Shamrock Rovers were convinced they had the answer to mighty Honved of Hungary in the European Cup, The lads from Dublin trailed 2-0 from the away leg, but on the eve of the return manager Jim McLaughlin unveiled a unique plan for beating the magnificent Magyars. ‘’We’ll be concentrating on all-out attack…mixed with caution,’’ he insisted. No prizes for guessing who won the tie 5-1 on aggregate.

BETTER BY CALF: England legend Nat Lofthouse reckons he was frightened of his own Bolton teammates in his playing days. Well, two of them anyway. Full-backs Roy Hartle and Tommy Banks had such a fearsome reputation that striker Lofthouse maintained: ‘’When they were playing behind me I used to put shin guards on the back of my calves.’’

ALIEN SIGNING: The reporter was taken aback at Everton boss Gordon Lee’s revelation that he had just signed strike Imre Varadi from Sheffield United. ‘’That’s an unusual name, isn’t it?’’ enquired the puzzled journo. ‘’I’ll say it is,’’ replied Lee. ‘’I believe he’s one of them Uranians.’’