Brian Barwick, the bumbling boss of our beloved FA, is not going to make the same mistake twice, it seems. If the whispers are to be believed, he is more likely to bare his ample backside in Soho Square than appoint another Englishman to coach the national team.

So, hard luck all you Geordies, you're stuck with Big Sam for the foreseeable. Alan Shearer can concentrate on his TV career while Harry Redknapp is too busy trying to stay out of the nick to worry about it, anyway.

It was Barwick who lumbered us with his “first choice” Steve McClaren after Big Phil Scolari turned him down flat last time around. Why should we have any faith in him getting it right now? The fact that he has consulted Wales manager John Toshack about who should get the job is, frankly, quite terrifying.

'Just pick up the phone to Jose Mourinho or Martin O'Neill and say: ''The job's yours if you want it.'' Who cares which one? They would both be fantastic for England'


Graham Taylor and Roy Hodgson are among other giants of the game said to have been canvassed for their opinions. No surprise that apparently Turnip Head couldn't make his mind up or that Hodgson - winner of umpteen trophies in Norway - fancied himself as England boss.

''Brian is determined to get a manager with world-class credentials,'' insists a Football Association insider. But you do fear that the longer this goes on, the more it will descend into another farce and the more likely we are going to end up with Gerard Houllier.

What is there to discuss? Just pick up the phone to Jose Mourinho or Martin O'Neill and say: ''The job's yours if you want it.'' Who cares which one? They would both be fantastic for England. The 2010 World Cup would be as good as in the bag.

Mourinho could take John Terry under his wing again so that the one player with true passion and inspirational leadership qualities can concentrate on captaining England rather than getting rat-arsed and urinating on nightclub dance floors.

And if anyone can make Frank Lampard play in an England shirt, then it is his old Chelsea boss - even if it means sticking Steven Gerrard in goal. The Special One would also be an antidote to the players' rampant egos that Roy Keane moaned about after the Croatia defeat that killed off our Euro 2008 hopes. Nobody has a bigger head than Mourinho.

The other top foreigners in the frame are Fabio Capello, who was fired by Real Madrid after winning the Spanish League last season, and Jurgen Klinsmann. Capello could hardly hide his disdain for anything English - i.e. David Beckham -  while at the Bernabeu. As for Klinsmann, he is German and spent most of his time diving rather than playing the game. Does anyone outside of Tottenham really want him in charge of our national side?

But why would Mourinho want the grief, having sauntered away from Stamford Bridge with enough money to buy England, let alone manage it? If he says no, then O'Neill is the only other real option, despite his recent unconvincing denials that he would want the job.

He gets the best out of a strong core of English players - Gareth Barry, Gabby Agbonlahor and Ashley Young among them - at Aston Villa. He has done it at all levels, from Grantham to Celtic, and is the closest thing we have got to a Brian Clough, the greatest manager England never had.

Best of all, he would give Barwick and the other dummies at the FA short shrift if they tried to interfere. So it's Mart or Mouro. Either of them will do for me.