With Manchester United posting quarter of a BILLION in profits, you’d have thought Sir Alex Ferguson could afford Dimitar Berbatov, even at £40m. But it looks as if the Old Trafford boss has conceded defeat to Chelsea in the chase for Tottenham’s Bulgarian ace – and is settling for Ajax goal-den boy Klaas Jan Huntelaar instead (The Sun).

Huntelaar, nicknamed The Hunter, has scored 53 times in just 65 appearances over three seasons with the Dutch giants and will cost £12m, less than a third of the going rate for Berba.

United had better be quick, though, because Juventus and Arsenal have been watching the 24-year-old striker who has nine, er, Dutch caps. But Sir Alex Ferguson has a bit of a history of falling out with stars from the Netherlands when they get too big for their boots – remember Jaap Stam and Ruud van Nistelrooy?

'Huntelaar, nicknamed The Hunter, has scored 53 times in just 65 appearances over three seasons with the Dutch giants and will cost £12m, less than a third of the going rate for Berba'


As the richest club on the planet, United have told Real Madrid to keep their Spanish mitts off Portuguese wizard Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s not for sale – even for £50m (Various). “Everything about him is Manchester United – he’s like George Best, Eric Cantona,” says Old Trafford chief executive David Gill. “You can’t sell players like that – and we are not going to sell players like that.”

Over on Tyneside, Harry Redknapp hasn't even replaced Sam Allardyce at Newcastle yet and The Sun is already giving him the money to buy Pascal Chimbonda from Spurs. How can you refuse the job now, 'Arry?

So that’s life in the mega-rich Premier League where you can light your cigars with crisp £50 notes, but spare a thought for the rest of English football, and for Luton Town in particular. The sad Hatters have a lucrative FA Cup replay against Liverpool next week but they have just sold two of their best players to help them survive (Daily Mail) – midfielder Dave Edwards has gone to Wolves for £650,000 and defender Chris Coyne to Colchester for £350,000. Boss Kevin Blackwell is going to have to raid his youth team to put out a side at Anfield. How the other half live!

Back in the unreal world, Fredi Kanoute is begging Tottenham boss Juane Ramos: “Come and get me.” The Sevilla striker, priced at a staggering £17m, has admitted he’d like to return to White Hart Lane where he scored 21 goals in a couple of seasons before packing his bags for Spain in 2005 (The Sun). Even Spurs surely aren’t stupid enough to spend that kind of silly money on a player who frustrates more than he ever excites.

Having dropped Paul Robinson for the Carling Cup semi, Ramos is now open to offers for the England No.1 (Daily Mirror). Who’d want the calamity keeper? Apparently Sven Goran Eriksson is a fan and would be happy to take him to Manchester City. Spurs are looking at Ajax's Dutch international keeper Maarten Stekelenburg  as a £5m replacement.

Tottenham and Middlesbrough have discovered why they were getting nowhere in the  race to sign Brazil striker Fred from Lyon (Daily Mirror)  The 24-year-old reveals: ”I’ve had my mobile switched off because I had personal problems to sort out back in Brazil – I got divorced.” Commiserations to the ex-Mrs Fred for missing out on an imminent transfer windfall.

Ongoing sagas you’re probably fed up reading about . . . Stephen Hunt still hasn’t gone from Reading to Sunderland because Steve Coppell has upped the price for the Irish midfielder to £4.5m (Daily Mail). Arsenal’s Lassana Diarra won’t be going to Newcastle any time soon, not just because Big Sam was sacked, but because the greedy so-and-so is asking for an exorbitant 90 grand a week (Daily Mirror). Watford are demanding £8m for striker Marlon King who is wanted by Fulham (The Sun), although the Mirror claims it’s a done deal at £3.5m.

Nicolas Anelka is sulking over the delay to his inevitable move to Chelsea. Bolton are holding out for £15m (The Sun) and Anelka’s agent says: “Nico really wants to join Chelsea. He’s waited years for an opportunity like this.” This is the same Anelka who blew all those opportunities at Arsenal, Real Madrid and Liverpool.

Momo Sissoko will be on his way out of Liverpool for Juventus as soon as he can get a word with the boss, which might take some time. The out-of-favour Mali midfielder admits: “Rafa won’t talk to me” (The Star). Benitez is probably in hiding so the American owners can't find him and fire him.