If Everton Football Club had a great aunt she would coo “My, how you’ve grown!” upon meeting this motivated and galvanised unit, but there are others who would merely grumble...

I have been stoking up the fire in my belly for a while about the elusive football commentator Alan Green, the man with a face for radio and opinions for a wheelie-bin. He has a long track record of spitting out niggly little comments against Everton (amongst others) and in probably the sole compliment he'll receive in this article, his nasty epithets hang around fans' necks like a belligerent box-to-box midfielder.

Wednesday's Carling Cup semi-final was no different, with Green proclaiming game over, and blowing a metaphorical whistle as soon as Joe Cole's shot crossed the line; "1-0, tie over". But it didn't stop there, with Green declaring that Everton had nothing left to play for by Premier League position, forgetting the UEFA Cup: "All Everton have to play for this season is fourth place in the league."

'Before the game I harboured dreams of Manny Fernandes and Mikel Arteta exchanging elegant footballese against the Chelsea midfield'


Before I move on any further, I need to take a calming breath. Obviously the result was a disappointment; it would have been glorious to have a Spurs-Everton final. Goodison was as electric as ever, and even with that 12th man we couldn't budge Chelsea. Before the game I harboured dreams of Manny Fernandes and Mikel Arteta exchanging elegant footballese against the Chelsea midfield with their pidgin football, but it wasn't to be, in fact it was close to the opposite. Chelsea were good value for a robust 1-0 win.

The problem I have is Alan Green's knee-jerk hatred towards anyone encroaching on the "Big Four's" success. Even a public feud with S'Alex Ferg doesn't stop this man from writhing in the fumes of the big boys' success. Last time Everton jumped seats and travelled first class was in 2005 and Green was our biggest critic - he showed a feral hatred for the plucky Blues for having the impudence to mix it with the big men. His article in the Irish Examiner - "Wake up and smell the coffee, David!" - disappointed more than angered at the time, with such choice comments as "nowhere is in more need of a hearty dose of reality than Everton Football Club".

But now I wonder why Green, Mr 606, is so hell-bent on protecting the Premier League's big-four cartel. Everton's move up the table has been studious and metronomic, rather than stellar and meteoric, but still it feels like certain people think we don't belong. For every article saying that pound for pound Everton are the best value in the league, there are people like Green who don't want us to mess up the 'natural' Premier League order.