Manchester City, previously a benign piece of dead skin on the yellowed toe of the Premier League behemoth, are now turning into an angry wart. And they are starting to p*** me right off.

We are moving into the business end of the season, a time when the men are sorted from the boys, and in the past few weeks the sky-blue half of Manchester has been exposed as having as much substance as the emperor’s new clothes.

New money is flooding in to the Premier League – and for the clubs on the receiving end the transformation can be almost instantaneous. There is a TV show in the US called Extreme Makeover, where outrageously ugly people get a full surgical makeover with all the trimmings. Recently in the Premier League, like that US TV show, rancid, butt-ugly clubs have been transformed into paragons of beauty.

'Already the transfer conveyer belt is moving ridiculously fast; it seems that Sven-Goran Eriksson doesn’t have to exercise much judgement at all, simply watching DVDs will suffice'


But the makeovers are never quite spot on, the beautiful gracile nymphet that glides out at “the reveal” - the show’s dénouement - always looks good, but there are still remnants of the contestants’ previous Picasso-esque visages threatening to break through.

It is just like that with the nouveau-riche Premier League Clubs, you can always tell. I mean, would any self-respecting club with Champions League ambitions really be fielding players like Sun Jihai?

And the fact is this instantaneous makeover is being performed, not by an annoying yet harmlessly fake Hollywood 'Brazilian-butt' surgeon, but by a shady, filthy rich but morally penniless Thai. Already the transfer conveyer belt is moving ridiculously fast; it seems that Sven-Goran Eriksson doesn’t have to exercise much judgement at all, simply watching DVDs will suffice. And as he has an infinite source of filthy lucre he can ship any mistakes away – a la Rolando Bianchi.

Building up a team like crazed lottery winners with a spend, spend, spend philosophy is far more dangerous than letting a team develop organically, and now the cracks are starting to appear. City’s last three results have been a dismal 2-1 loss in the FA Cup to Sheffield United, a rotten 1-1 display against Derby 'Worst in the Premier League EVER’ County, and then a 3-1 home defeat to Arsenal, dispelling the myth of fortress Eastlands.

I don’t despise teams that challenge the top four and their stranglehold on events, but I do despise teams like Man City, a cheap microwave TV-dinner of a side rather than a well-crafted Sunday roast.

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