In a Premier League world of seven substitutes and international fixture destinations,  Everton came up with a new-fangled plan themselves against Reading on Saturday: Doze for an hour, and then wake up for the final 30 minutes.

This is a frankly ingenious plan which should save them energy for the stamina-sapping race for fourth place. In what was a truly horrendous game, both teams practised their sleep-walking skills, occasionally sprinkling the game with spooned shots (Stephen Hunt, Dave Kitson, Leon Osman) and random hoofs upfield (Phil Neville, Phil Neville and Phil Neville).

The game was a truly rotten slog. Half way through the first half, the TV cameras caught John Motson snoozing in the stands. The fact that the country's No. 1 football obsessive could be reduced to a snoring lump by the mediocre moil on display surely has to rank this as one of the most boring games on record - worse even than a match-up between two of the big four.

'Everton are a team bereft of ideas, whose playing style gets more boring by the week'


As for the first hour, no-one save Mikel Arteta, the Spanish matador who must have ‘sublime skills’ on speed-dial, showed any technique whatsoever.

Granted, Everton’s defence played very well, but again this is only a back-handed compliment, as some of the best attacking from the Toffees came courtesy of Joleon Lescott, the centre-back masquerading as a full-back, who wonderfully galloped into the opposition area on a number of occasions.

In a drowsy game in which the “snooze” button was bashed repeatedly, the loud, bouncy, Tigger-esque presence of James Vaughan – coming on for the second half – finally marginally lifted things up.

His speed, enthusiasm and heart will have proved a wonderful antidote in a week of Yakubu defiance. Both Vaughan and Victor Anichebe are extremely promising youngsters, and coupled with Andy Johnson, they are a pugnacious and lively trio. Enough to keep Yakubu out of the side? Probably not, but if Yakubu wants to stay at Goodison for the long term, then he has to try to emulate the behaviour of this honest trident of strikers.

Everton played poorly and still won, a skill which mirrors one often used by the big four - indeed, winning ugly is often the badge of a team destined for high altitudes in the league.

But with the battle for fourth place hotting up, will Everton really be one of our representatives in the Champions League? This is a team bereft of ideas, whose playing style gets more boring by the week.

See their 0-0 against Spurs in the last home game if you are having any trouble sleeping.

Everton fans, are you happy with scrappy wins or would you prefer more excitement at the expense of points? Post a comment below or submit an article to Sportingo.