The game is so fast nowadays it’s very difficult to get away without pulling your weight, but there are some notable exceptions to the rule.


To find out who is the laziest player in the Premier League you first have to decide on what you are going to measure laziness. Some players have very different jobs to do than others.

I mean, it's unfair to compare a hard-working player like Andy Johnson (who is asked to get through so much work up front for Everton that he almost does the work of two men) with someone like Sami Hyypia at Liverpool, whose only task each game he plays seems to be to try to foul as many players as possible and get away with it and then smirk inanely at the referee as if to say: “You can't book me - I play for Liverpool, you know.”

'Kewell is head and shoulders above any other player for his absolute laziness and mickey-taking when it comes to picking up his wages every week'


It,s not right to compare these two players; after all Hyypia isn’t being lazy, he is doing exactly what is asked of him.

So, then, how do we measure what makes a lazy player? There are players who spend most of the game running around like a chicken with no head (enter Dirk Kuyt) but with no real end product. Then there are other players who spend more time on the bench or in the doctor's surgery than the doctors themselves.

There was a situation at Chelsea a few years ago where William Gallas could not even get a Carling Cup game - it became pretty obvious to everyone that Jose Mourinho didn’t want him in his squad.

Instead of moving on as soon as the chance came, he gave an interview stating that he was on £40k a week and was happy to play when he was picked. Now, whatever the politics involved, that doesn’t sound like someone who has ambition and puts money in front of his own career. Eventually he was moved on as part of the Ashley Cole transfer and was last seen sobbing over a blatant penalty at St Andrew's.

But even that doesn’t take the prize for me. There is one man who is head and shoulders (they should call him Mr Dandruff) above any other player for his absolute laziness and mickey-taking when it comes to picking up his wages every week.

Step up Harry Kewell, who, since arriving at Liverpool, has spent most of his time flying between England and the Antipodes looking for any excuse not to break into a sweat for his club. Unless there is a European Cup Final approaching, that is, when he makes a miraculous recovery and runs around like spring-heeled Jack.

Well done Harry, you can put this award next to… erm… well erm…put it on the fireplace.