Lazing grace: The layabouts of Liverpool, Everton, Manchester United and West Ham

Some of the runners and riders for the title of the Laziest Premier League player of all time:

Harry Kewell - The closest relationship 'Hara Kiri' Kewell has forged at Liverpool is with the treatment table - the Antipodean's career has been in neutral ever since he signed for the Anfield club, which quite unbelievably, was way back in 2003.

Jermaine Pennant - A tabloid regular (they can't resist having a nibble on a slow news day) now sporting a beard (surely testament to his laziness) but still only coquettishly offering us tantalising glimpses of his talent. He ranks in this list because he should be a great player but can't be arsed. The image provided by one of the kiss and tells of Pennant sitting cross-legged on the floor in a video-gaming trance and encircled by a cornucopia of junk food and soft drinks, for hours on end, is a hard one to shift.

'Shandy' Andy van der Meyde - The Dutchman has had his share of troubles, but the fact that the former Ajax and Inter Milan winger can muddle through umpteen reserve games without imposing himself proves that he really isn't trying at all. Quite how he can wear the club's emblem Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (Only The Best Is Good Enough) on his chest is beyond me.

Yakubu - Before he came to Everton Yakubu was the archetype of laziness, a man so lazy that he wilted after Christmas; the Nigerian supposedly only had enough gas in the tank to play half a season.

Anton Ferdinand - Another fully paid-up member of the "half arsed" brigade, Anton occupies a half-hearted, somnambulist Baby Bentley world, and only occasionally rises to the surface to put in some graft.

Rio Ferdinand - Rio blazed a trail of laziness for his "ickle brother" to trudge through. His laid-back attitude to mandatory drugs tests as well as the fact that when he was on Leeds United's books he managed to knacker his knee tendons whilst lazing for hours in front of the telly and resting his leg on a coffee table tells you everything you need to know about Rio.

Claus Lundekvan - The Times notes that in 2003 Southampton boss Gordon Strachan said this of the Norwegian defender: “He was carried off at Leicester and someone asked me if he was unconscious. I didn’t have a clue. That’s what he’s always like.” Need I say more?

Tomas Brolin - No list on laziness would be complete without mentioning this lazy git - Baccanalian feasts were the only thing that Brolin put any concerted effort into during his time on the Scepter'd Isle. Leeds shelled out a whopping £4.5m for the Swede; two years later his contract was ripped up.

Alex Nyarko - When Everton parted with £4.5m (is that a cursed amount?) to bring the Ghanaian over from Lens, everybody at Goodison was expecting a superstar. What they got instead was a damp squib who meandered through games like a gentle summer breeze - and was eventually accosted at Highbury for his zombie-like displays.

There are countless other players I've missed out, including Juan Sebastian Veron (too lazy for the Premier League's pace) and Leroy Lita who injured himself earlier this season after knackering a leg muscle as he stretched in bed after waking up(!).