West Ham lie down for Manchester United? Annoying Avram needs to Curb his tongue!

Having had every label from mild-mannered and quiet-spoken to boring and bland, I’m surprised to see Avram Grant has stuck his head over the parapet this week.

Has he found a few old scripts belong to The Special One in the drawers of his desk at Stamford Bridge? What on earth possessed him to have a go at poor old mild-mannered, quiet-spoken, boring Alan Curbishley for actually uttering a few truthful thoughts in a newspaper article about the man he admires most in football, Sir Alex Ferguson?

Surely he doesn’t think Curbishley’s West Ham are going to turn up at Old Trafford tomorrow lunchtime and hand three points to United on a silver platter?

If he is questioning Curbishley’s integrity, then I’m afraid he’s picking on the wrong guy, because the man from the East End of London, who has spent the past 15 years in the quiet backwaters of Charlton and West Ham, is one of the most honest managers in the game today. And, forgive me for saying this, but he is in a distinct minority.

To suggest that Curbishley might become involved in some sort of skulduggery simply because he said that United deserved to win the Premier League title, is well below the belt.

I seem to recall the Hammers visiting Old Trafford towards the end of last season and upsetting the applecart thanks to a certain Carlos Tevez. In fact West Ham are one of the few teams in the Premier League with a decent record against the champions. Haven’t they won their last three encounters?

Yes, we all know United have to win their last two games of the season to be absolutely certain of taking their tenth league title in 15 seasons. You might have thought such a feat might have garnered something in the way of admiration from more than just one opponent. You’re right, I’m being stupid to even expect it.

We also know that if they do win their last two games, and Chelsea do exactly the same, then United will still win their tenth title and Chelsea’s late, dramatic surge will have been to no avail.

I notice that The Quiet One hasn’t breathed a word about his own team’s visit to Newcastle on Bank Holiday Monday. Ah, that Newcastle, the team managed by Kevin Keegan, the man with a pathological hatred of Manchester United.

Perhaps Avram’s memory doesn’t stretch back to the 1995-96 season during Keegan’s first spell in charge at St James’ Park. If I remember correctly, Newcastle were nine or ten points clear at the top before United started to narrow the gap.

By the end of April, Keegan and his team had lost their bottle completely and in one amazing television outburst Keegan was red in the face with fury as he denounced Ferguson for his gamesmanship and shouted out that he’d be delighted if Middlesbrough could beat United. “I’d love it, absolutely love it,” he slavered.

United, of course, went on to win the title with Newcastle trailing in second place.

Now doesn’t the idea of Keegan telling his team to take the day off on Monday against Chelsea (it’s a Bank Holiday, don’t forget) carry a little more credence than Grant’s obnoxious suggestion that Curbishley is going to get three-point palsy with Sir Alex?

I think that in today’s high-octane game it is an uncalled for slur to suggest that either Curbishley or Keegan would be party to such unscrupulous behaviour. But Avram did sow the first seed . . .