Home > Rugby > Rugby Union > Manchester United of rugby? The All Blacks are more like Newcastle United!
The superquick 'Kiwi Claimers' are more like world chumps than contenders for South Africa's world champion crown.
by Greg Smith on 22 August 2008
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In football, Italy are world champions and World Cup holders until 2010. After the Beijing Games, a host of athletes are Olympic champions and will remain that way until 2012 and beyond. In tennis, cricket, cycling, boxing, darts, twiddlywinks and actually every sport on this planet, the victors walk away with the spoils and a title entitling them to a certain respect and status.
Denying Michael Phelps his glory would simply be wrong and any contender claiming supremacy over Phelps in the Olympic set-up will simply have to wait his turn to take a shot at it at the next Olympic Games in London in 2012 (Phelps' accomplishments in 2008 will linger, not only in the minds of those he has inspired, but also in the records - even if he is surpassed in 2012).
Now consider rugby union and a bunch of bitter losers I call the 'Kiwi Claimers'. Kiwi Claimers fanatically support a rugby union team called the All Blacks (also now known as the McBlacks because of their over-hyped and over-marketed image). Like Newcastle United fans or any truly rabid fan, Kiwi Claimers believe their team is the greatest!
This isn't surprising at all but I believe the Kiwi Claimers are the FASTEST claimers in world sport.
A spectacular list of claims spruces up their trophy cabinet which eternally maintains a vacuum, a specially-prepared spot where their grubby little paws would love to place rugby union's World Cup. But they can't!
I've heard Kiwi Claimers call themselves the Manchester United of rugby, the Brazil of rugby, the Michael Phelps of rugby, the Spidermen, Supermen, X-men, Wonderwomen (and all other Marvel Comic superheroes) of rugby. And they are super-quick to call themselves the GREATEST in rugby union.
Dr Phil (the world-famous psychologist) analysed the Kiwi Claimers' 'small island syndrome' and gave New Zealanders the gold medal (in a world-record time of 0.1234 sec) - for CLAIMING.
The South African world champion rugby union team, the Springboks, are often - to the surprise of New Zealanders - the World Cup holders. They have a trophy called the William Webb Ellis Cup in their cabinet (with max security against constant attempts to nick it by Kiwis) and a title until the next competition in 2011. The title reads 'World Champions', not 'Wannabe World's Greatests'.
The Kiwi Claimers are heroes in their own minds and world famous in New Zealand. Dr Phil suggests they place their gold claiming medal in their cabinet in place of the Webby and curb their 'penis envy-like' behaviour.
The Boks and the Aussies have won the Webby TWICE and the South Africans in 2008 have backed up their title with victory over the Six Nations champions, Italy and Argentina.
Everyone has a bad day (remember France RWC) and South Africans haul out their record books to quickly remind Kiwi Claimers that the Springboks dominated rugby union for 60 YEARS. When the All Blacks have TWO Rugby World Cup trophies more than the Boks and have dominated for another 50 years... then Dr Phil says they might get the SILVER as world's greatest claimers!
But Michael Phelps and the Springboks might just be remembered as great champions in 2008 in any case...
Comments (16)
by Zim Bok on August 22, 2008
But Greg, in tennis, cricket, cycling, boxing, darts, twiddlywinks and actually every sport on this planet the world champs actually score a point when they lose and if they do its by a close margin!!! Heck, even England scored points in all the matches they lost following their RWC win in 2003...I'm afraid our Zimboks are on the way to becoming the poorest, bumbling and incompetent world cup holders of any sport...sigh...you can shower yourself in past glory fellow Zimbok supporters but i prefer living in the now...losing by 19 (could've been 33-0 had carter made those kicks) to a NZ side without about a dozen of last years players and with 8 players playing the Zimboks for the first time on our soil AND being the WORLD CHAMPS says what about us??? Sigh anyway how bout our Zimbok olympians...oh, double sigh :(
by Cobus Basson on August 22, 2008
I fully agree with this sentiment. Why is nobody saying Federer's Wimbledon crown of 2007 is tarnished because he lost to Nadal in 2008? The Springboks couldn't choose their opponents in 2007, they had to play against whoever was good enough to get through the pool stages and meet them in the final. Federer got knocked out of the singles Tennis in Beijing and didn't get the gold medal. Sad for him, but fact is he will not be the 2008 Olympic tennis gold medal winner, regardless of who wins it and even if he beats the eventual winner at some other tournament next month, period. The fact that the Boks have now lost twice agains the ABs also means nothing. The Boks, even though they have many of their WC players available, are trying to get to grips with a 100% new coaching team and a 100% new style of play. If they lose for a while before they start winning again, then we must accept it. No matter what the Kiwis do, the 2007 World Cup is in South Africa's cabinet. Why is rugby the only sport where we have spiritual world cup winners and then the real world cup winners? In all other sports the team or the person that wins the cup is the holder of the cup until the next team wins it. England won the cup in 2003 and were worthy winners, regardless of what happened in their rugby afterwards. Enough said.
by Boks were lucky on August 22, 2008
The Springboks are not respected for their title because they were lucky to win it. They did not play the top teams or the host at RWC 2007 so few people respect them for what they won. In 2007 they were not the best team all year round and the funny thing is that they weren't the best team in 1995. In 2003 England were the best team around and Australia were the best team all year. Oh and where on earth you get the idea that the Springboks dominated rugby for 60 years from is seriously deluded. I hate to say it but the All Blacks have dominated rugby since the turn of the century.
by British Lion on August 22, 2008
Cobus, ask yourself if the Zimboks had lost the equivalent of Howlett(Habana), Jack(Matfield), Robinson(Bakkies), Collins(Burger), Mauger(DeVilliers), McAlister(Fourie), Oliver(Smit), Kelleher(Du Preez), Hayman(Du Randt), Evans(Steyn) from the WC players (and NZ had retained theirs) and you still had Jake White would you be sitting on top of the tri-nations table right now???
by Confused on August 22, 2008
I'm not quite sure what the intent of your article is. It seems a bitter rant at the All Blacks with little substance. If you are having a go at the All Blacks for failing to win the World Cup since 1987 then fine, you can't argue with history. However by the same reasoning the All Blacks are continually the best team in the world (as judged by IRB rankings) and have a better win/loss ratio than any team. As a New Zealander it would be great to win the World Cup. South Africa currently have it and well done - I was at the WC final last year and they deserved to win against a fairly woeful England side. Rightful holders you are - well done but rather than be bitter and castigate another nation for continually wishing to win it, try enjoying it while you have it - we would!
by Mike Kiwi on August 23, 2008
Played like true world CHUMPions sorry for the accent (:
by Zim Bok on August 24, 2008
"100% new coaching team and a 100% new style of play" funny that - could've sworn the same thing is happening with those wallabies - Mr Deans and Jim Williams new coaches and now trying to get the aussies to play a foreign head's up rugby ala crusaders style as opposed to phase rugby ala eddie jones...I take it you accepted todays defeat a lot better than those who booed the Zimboks off the field...we're doing it all this year - world cup holders, No.1 ranked, winning in Dunedin for 1st time, 1st win on NZ soil for 10 years...and now 3 straight test losses, first time getting nilled at home and against our greatest foes, Aus then beating us for 1st time since 2000...and now thanks to the latest loss we down to 3rd ranked in the world...maybe we can take england's crown and become the worst world champions in history...
by Lemon Squeezer on August 26, 2008
All Blacks dominated the amateur era with a 71% win rate against ALL NATIONS greg,which 60 YEAR period are you talking about? This win ratio has risen to a truly awesome 80% since 95'. SA's win ratio is 64% and 63% respectively.
by Greg Smith on August 26, 2008
Amateur era ? Pray tell ... was that Monday to Friday in 1860 ? The AB's have ALWAYS been professional, don't TRY sell that OLD CON ! How did your New Zealand 'Originals' get by... they were PRO... paid to play ! Let me know when you'd like you're rugby education to commence - that garbage you think you know, it's all rubbish fed to you by your SUPERSIZERS !
by The Blackness on August 26, 2008
Amateur era, Pro era...doesn't change the stats Greg. And pray tell - I can't imagine all the high-tech video analysis, scrum coaching and world class nutrition advice we received back in 1908. Actually, i remember watching the ABs munching on meat pies, sliced oranges and cokes on the field at half-time when i wsa growing up. Didn't take much to have the wood on Zimboks back then!
by Mark Caceres on August 26, 2008
Your article is a disgrace, and exhibits the typical English attitude of the All Blacks: they cannot defeat them so they verbally abuse them. The All Balcks have the best international record in world rugby, so what's to argue. As for your view on 'Kiwi Claimers' as you call them, a people of whom claim the All Blacks to be the best, well just look at the 'void,' as you describe it, of our trophy cabinet. We have both the Bledisloe and Tri Nations cups. I can't wait to see the All Blacks' end of year grand slam tour when we once again pummell the hopelessly defensive and single minded poms. And what are you on saying the the Boks dominated world rugby for '60 YEARS?' There's no shame in defeat to South Africa but before the world cup years in the good old days the Boks and the All Blacks had a brutal and extremely even rivalry, similar to today.
by Greg Smith on August 27, 2008
No, what IS disgusting is the TRUE extent of New Zealands LIES or claims in Rugby Union and the general Kiwi's acceptance of this... And that doesn't include IRB (Anglo-Irish) corrupt old school ties, Trans-Tasman twisted links with the Aussies OR SELLING a SUPERSIZED image of New Zealand to the ultimate benefit of ONLY New Zealand through this manipulative process. It makes me sick... and I'd pack it in a heartbeat along with everyone who respects the truth and what is good, BUT that would leave New Zealand to carry on, as they have and do !
by The Blackness on August 27, 2008
Mate, who are YOU to judge us? I feel sorry that your forefathers have brainwashed you with so much negativity and hate. In NZ our old-timers have nothing but respect for the Boks of yesteryear. I speak to many around the grassroots breeding grounds of NZ rugby and they all acknowledge how formidable the Boks rivalry is over our long history. I understand that since we've got the upperhand in recent times it irks you somewhat but its just a game - you need to chill out a tad. You did come 76th on the Olympic medal table so not all is lost!
by Greg Smith on August 28, 2008
I understanding everyone strives for CLAIM to FAME and that South Africans have 'jangled nerves' at the minute, but the RESPECT-RESPECT relationship b/t SA and NZ was killed in the 80's & 90's by small minded Kiwi's through rugby (see the history of rugby or Sean Fitz brinkmanship, Murray Mexted, Richard Loe, Peter Bills, NZ insults of Nelson Mandela, Charles Dempsey, 95 poisoining accusations and a long list of blah, blah blah'ing... by Kiwi's) ! When Saffers put on their RUGBY hats we can judge New Zealand because they have made rugby a fundamental part of their nationality (and in modern money invested an unrivaled $685 Billion focusing on it since 1860) and played a bitter one-upmanship game to suppress their feelings of inferiority and bolster a nothing economy. South Africans have a bigger world and we have success and failure in many things - sport, African & international politics, economics, finance, nuclear weapons disarmourment as a regional African powerhouse and such and such where we are both leaders and losers ... Rugby is only ONE game in SA (and second to football) or on a par with cricket and unlike New Zealand, we don't depend on it for our identity... we regularly get whipped by our neighbours in football, cricket etc, etc, we take these losses and continue good relationships... New Zealand is another kettle of fish... don't trivialise rugby as only a game when without it in your history, what would New Zealand be ? And Saffers hate New Zealand for taking a game which belongs to everyone (and has a proud place in SA) and making it an exclusive Kiwi Industry.... and forget your on field winning and losing bitterness theory... Saffers have won and lost more than most in 500 years of history (double yours), we're pretty used to it and manage a smile after the most desperate examples of 'lifes knocks' ... something a little bigger to pin OUR identities to with REAL LIFE, war and revolution hero's more worthy than what... sportsmen ? Believe me Colin Meads is respected, even by regular Saffers who identify with the last true Kiwi, but he's NO Nelson Mandela, not even a quarter of a Tutu, hardly a 100th of Rhodes and quicker you learn that and where New Zealands place is, the better ! Kiwi's annoy us like tiddlingwinks champions who claim they rule the universe because of it ... get a life and I'm very happy to write off 3 Million 'potential' Kiwi buddies (on my continent of 1 Billion) until some reconciling (within New Zealand) is done with what's happened in the past and still continues today viz a viz South Africa ! R-E-S-P-E-C-T ... look it up ! Yes, I'm bitter that New Zealanders would squander ANY relationship in a foolish single-minded focus on rugby glory, not least a relationship with a country of the size and international stature of South Africa, a clear indication of misjudged priorities by a country that's growing too big for its boots and international good because of claims based on chasing an oval piece of pigskin ?!
by Lemon Squeezer on August 30, 2008
You obviously no nothing of the proud record of the New Zealand infantry through the ages. Equalled by few and surpassed by none. Recipients of more VC's than SA including the only double awarded a combat soldier and standing tall with our Mighty All Blacks at the top of the world.
by Greg Smith on September 02, 2008
Oh please .... and you know nothing of 32 BATALLION, Angola, Caprivi, Unit 19, Mozambique, Dick King, the Kaffarian Rifles, Delville Wood, North Africa, Italy, Burma and such and such ... and the day-to-day unwritten heroics of the 9 Million South Africans who've worn a uniform ... THE REAL STUFF - not this glam-history you've been brainwashed into ! ANZAC, ANZAC ... whooooo - speak to any Israeli soldier (IDF) and they'll quickly rank the relative values of international troops for you... South African soldiers, like the Springboks are at the TOP, but we don't PIN our claims to fame to military history either... look ----> SA is the ONLY country in the world to dismantle its NUCLEAR BOMBS !!! When I think of arrogant Kiwi's I know where I'd have liked to put one tho....
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