In football, Italy are world champions and World Cup holders until 2010. After the Beijing Games, a host of athletes are Olympic champions and will remain that way until 2012 and beyond. In tennis, cricket, cycling, boxing, darts, twiddlywinks and actually every sport on this planet, the victors walk away with the spoils and a title entitling them to a certain respect and status.

Denying Michael Phelps his glory would simply be wrong and any contender claiming supremacy over Phelps in the Olympic set-up will simply have to wait his turn to take a shot at it at the next Olympic Games in London in 2012 (Phelps' accomplishments in 2008 will linger, not only in the minds of those he has inspired, but also in the records - even if he is surpassed in 2012).

Now consider rugby union and a bunch of bitter losers I call the 'Kiwi Claimers'. Kiwi Claimers fanatically support a rugby union team called the All Blacks (also now known as the McBlacks because of their over-hyped and over-marketed image). Like Newcastle United fans or any truly rabid fan, Kiwi Claimers believe their team is the greatest!

This isn't surprising at all but I believe the Kiwi Claimers are the FASTEST claimers in world sport.

A spectacular list of claims spruces up their trophy cabinet which eternally maintains a vacuum, a specially-prepared spot where their grubby little paws would love to place rugby union's World Cup. But they can't!

I've heard Kiwi Claimers call themselves the Manchester United of rugby, the Brazil of rugby, the Michael Phelps of rugby, the Spidermen, Supermen, X-men, Wonderwomen (and all other Marvel Comic superheroes) of rugby. And they are super-quick to call themselves the GREATEST in rugby union.

Dr Phil (the world-famous psychologist) analysed the Kiwi Claimers' 'small island syndrome' and gave New Zealanders the gold medal (in a world-record time of 0.1234 sec) - for CLAIMING.

The South African world champion rugby union team, the Springboks, are often - to the surprise of New Zealanders - the World Cup holders. They have a trophy called the William Webb Ellis Cup in their cabinet (with max security against constant attempts to nick it by Kiwis) and a title until the next competition in 2011. The title reads 'World Champions', not 'Wannabe World's Greatests'.

The Kiwi Claimers are heroes in their own minds and world famous in New Zealand. Dr Phil suggests they place their gold claiming medal in their cabinet in place of the Webby and curb their 'penis envy-like' behaviour.

The Boks and the Aussies have won the Webby TWICE and the South Africans in 2008 have backed up their title with victory over the Six Nations champions, Italy and Argentina.

Everyone has a bad day (remember France RWC) and South Africans haul out their record books to quickly remind Kiwi Claimers that the Springboks dominated rugby union for 60 YEARS. When the All Blacks have TWO Rugby World Cup trophies more than the Boks and have dominated for another 50 years... then Dr Phil says they might get the SILVER as world's greatest claimers!

But Michael Phelps and the Springboks might just be remembered as great champions in 2008 in any case...