I'm South African, so supporting the Springboks has never been a doubt, a comfortable birthright I never consciously considered until, within our new global village, I had to 'convert' a newcomer to the game.

So here's a fella, new to rugby union and like me shopping for an IPL cricket team, he's searching for a rugby union team to call 'home'. Although I wasn't at home within South Africa, I was within the Southern Hemisphere and after explaining the North vs South divide in rugby union and because he was a South hemisphere lad, the teams left to pick narrowed to, realistically, three. (Yes, the Pumas got a mention, but that hook wasn't taken, the major drawback being their lack of consistent exposure).

Three prominent teams in the Southern Hemisphere are on offer for a new fan; the All Blacks, the Wallabies and the Springboks. Selecting one can be a very personal affair, I explained.

'South Africa are the only true contenders from the continent of Africa, which has about a billion people - you'd think it'd field a couple more teams'


New Zealand's All Blacks are the most highly marketed rugby machine in the business. Truly the Ferraris of the sport. They have the most recognisable brand in rugby union and they wear a slick black kit and do a really funky war cry called the 'haka'. They are nicknamed the McBlacks (the McDonalds of rugby teams) or the ABs (All Blacks) and although they're accused of being 'chokers' because of their poor track record in the World Cups of the sport, their fans will very, very quickly tell you that they REALLY, honestly, truly have the best stats and record in rugby union (and they're not lying and only half whinging).

How they got those stats is another story and their home fans are named after a local New Zealand bird called the Kiwi. To support a home game, book a ticket to the edge of the planet, aka South Sea Pommyland.

The Wallabies are the Australian contenders. They wear green and yellow kit (green and gold is what the World Champion Springboks have always worn!). The yellow has no bearing on their levels of courage, however, and these fellas can play rugby union. The Wallabies have a kangaroo-like creature as their mascot and they do pack a kick, earning them two World Cup trophies to the McBlacks ZERO!

The Aussies have a embarrassment of talent, they play Aussie Rules, too and their best player ever was Hannibal Lector (OK, I never really said that). If you wanna support Australia, you must learn to say 'Stralia!' and not Australia and unlike supporting the ABs you don't need half your brain removed (OK, I suppose I shouldn't have said that). If you support 'Stralia, you're sure to find another supporter in any dive in the world, the Aussies are new-age cockroaches. The Wallabies are the yellow Lamborghinis of rugby union.

The Springbok is a small African antelope and it's the mascot of a team from Africa. South Africa are the only true contenders from the continent of Africa, which has about a billion people - you'd think it'd field a couple more teams. I don't know much about the 52 other national teams of Africa, but I can say that the Springboks have kicked butt up through the first, second and third world over the years.

Any All Black fan is going to tell you that you're a idiot if you support the Springboks, and 'Stralians are gonna call you a 'Yarpie' - this is some sort of South Sea pirate (I don't really know). Unless they mean, Jaapie, which is actually a popular first name for a farm boy in South Africa, or was 100 years ago. You could also be called a SAFFER, but I suppose then you'd need to be Souf Afriken. The plus side of being a Springbok supporter is the accent. Really!

The Springboks wear the true green and gold kit (don't mind the 'Stralians, they'll nick the sugar outta yer tea!). The Springboks are the Land Rovers of rugby union and in-between 17 wars in Africa, three revolutions and a time when they insisted they were the only white people in Africa and consequently better than the other almost billion other Africans (they got a kick in the pants for this), they managed to win two World Cups.

After a bit of haggling the newcomer asked me about the USA and I can now say I'm a recruiter for the Dallas Cowboys. I guess he was a Cadillac man.