About 60 or so minutes in to the first game of the sixth Rugby World Cup, and the hosts, France, are trailing,  playing like show-ponies rather than rugby players intent on winning in front of a highly expectant home crowd. Except show-ponies usually do not perform in slow motion. The word 'escargot' is rarely used in the same sentence as 'French' and 'backline.' But I guess there is a first time for everything.

Every ‘pick-and-go’ seems overtly premeditated, as if the French are under some strange magical spell (or curse) that directs them into the waiting arms of the patient Argentinian defenders. The curse seems to have been working particularly well on David Skrela, a player who has difficultly getting his foot to the ball quick enough when he decides to kick it, and yet is apparently good enough to be picked ahead of Frederic Michelak. He comes on with less than 20 minutes to go, to rapturous applause, while Skrela limps off to the relief of everyone watching except the Argentinians. I wonder to myself if Skrela is really injured or just wants to put himself out of his misery.

Still, even with Skrela now off the field, there is still time to see a few more instances of lumbering French backs retreating after the ball, but unable to get to it with enough time to save the day, before a comparatively little whipper-snapper (80 kg Lucas Borges ) is there to make things difficult. Size doesn’t always matter, it seems. In fact, 83 kg Christophe Dominici was the only truly mobile member of the French backs – with the exception of one dynamic run each by Aurélien Rougerie (104 kg), and Cédric Heymans (96 kg) respectively.

'Tthe French backs look over-trained, as if they’d bulked-up from too much work pushing weights in the gym'


Despite the increasing frequency of glances at the big-screen to check how much time is left, the French appeared at least to maintain their composure right until the very end – little good that did them, though. Or was it perhaps, All Black stoicism coupled with another All Black weakness - the belief that no matter what happens, they’ll still manage to win somehow in the end? Could it be the French have turned-up under-estimating the Pumas? Surely not. As I watch, the commentators inform me that the Argentinians have won most of the game between the two nations in recent years.

Even when Bernard Laporte calls on Sebastien Chabal off the bench to spark some life into the French performance, he seems more interested in flicking back his hair and looking like Jesus or John the Baptist, than actually exhibiting the determination, passion or enthusiasm required to do so. At this point I compare and contrast Chabal with Byron Kelleher.

Meanwhile Argentine hooker Mario Ledesma Arocena places a beautifully weighted chip-kick into the corner, driving the French back once again, complimenting earlier touches by Felipe Conteponi, Agustín Pichot, Lucas Borges, Juan Martín Scelzo, Rodrigo Roncero, Rimas Álvarez Kairelis, and of course the try scorer Ignacio Corleta.

All-in-all, I found the game reminiscent of what the French dished out to the All Blacks in 1999. This time it was France’s turn to fail to turn up mentally to a game.

And the French backs look over-trained, as if they’d bulked-up from too much work pushing weights in the gym (reminiscent of Doug Howlett in the 2003 Rugby World Cup) when they should have been concentrating on speed work.

Short of Ireland beating Argentina, and France beating Ireland, even with New Zealand’s injury problems, I can't see France beating the All Blacks in Cardiff on October 7. Unless, that is, the All Blacks treat the game in a similar way to which the French approached this game against the Argentinians - with misplaced arrogance.

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