Before I lay into Northern Hemisphere rugby (if that’s what you call what the home unions have been playing in the World Cup), I have to admit that the Tri Nations giants really are on a different planet.

There’s nothing more certain than that the All Blacks, Springboks and Wallabies will be battling it out for glory by mid-October. But as far as England are concerned, their chariot has never swung lower than in that dire performance against South Africa on Friday.

I can remember the days when the English were Five Nations whipping boys - and Wales legend Gareth Edwards was perpetually making mincemeat of his opposite number Nigel Starmer-Smith. But while the England of the 70s might have been losers, at least they played with some heart.

'Poor Andy Farrell might have been a giant of Rugby League, but he looked like a lost schoolboy in the England midfield'


The record books were rewritten with their emergence under Will Carling's captaincy as a European rugby superpower. Winning the 2003 World Cup with Martin Johnson at the helm was the ultimate pinnacle and victories over the Tri Nations giants became almost the norm. But in the least four years I reckon England have gone back three decades to the days when skill and flair was a rarity and plodding mediocrity the norm.

Jason Robinson apart, not one of the backs had the faintest idea how to penetrate the Boks’ rock-solid defence. Poor Andy Farrell might have been a giant of Rugby League, but he looked like a lost schoolboy in the England midfield. And rather than orchestrating some lethal action, Mike Catt looked what he is - an ageing has-been with a big boot whose best days are a decade behind him.

Scrum-half Shaun Perry was so bad he had to be substituted at half-time - and his replacement Andy Gomarsall had no less of a nightmare against the world’s best No.9, Fourie du Preez.

I could go on and on…but let’s move on to my own country, Wales, and their 32-20 capitulation to the Wallabies at the Millennium Stadium. The Aussies were rightly peeved that the game should be played in Cardiff, and with good reason. After all, France are supposed to be the World Cup hosts so why give other nations home advantage?

Scotland will get the same bonus when they play the All Blacks at Murrayfield - but for what chance they have of victory, they might as well be playing in Wellington.

On paper, the Wales result looks respectable, but in reality Australia had it won by half-time when they led 23-3. If we are honest, they were in total control of the action both up front and in the backline, where incisive attacking produced first-half tries for Stirling Mortlock, Matt Giteau and fearless fullback Chris Latham.

Wales failed to make the best use of the most exciting backline in Europe, perpetually trying to batter their way through the impregnable Aussie defence rather than try the unexpected - like the odd chip kick over the defence for flying Shane Williams to run on to. To their credit, they did battle back bravely, and a close-range try by Jonathan Thomas plus a slightly fortunate effort from the aforesaid Williams gave the final scoreline an air of respectability.

But make no mistake, these Wallabies still had plenty in reserve, so much so that they were able to take their phenomenal captain Mortlock off at half-time.

Now on to last night…and Ireland must be the luckiest nation in the tournament not to have suffered the most embarrassing World Cup defeat of all time. Mighty Georgia, who have never won a game in the tournament, were expected to ship 50-odd points against Brian O‘Driscoll‘s not-so-jolly green giants. Instead, thanks to a wonderful interception try by little wing Giorgi Shkinin, the minnows led 10-7 in the second half and looked in with every chance of an almighty sensation.

Fullback Girvan Dempsey spared some of Ireland’s blushes by going over in the corner, but a 14-10 win has to count as a moral victory for the Georgians, who were caned 33-3 by Argentina in their opening game.

The Irish, fancied by many before the tournament to be Europe’s best chance of winning the trophy, were a shambles. Their shoddy, uncoordinated play (remember, they only beat Namibia 32-17) has been so out of keeping to what we have seen in the Six Nations in recent years that one can only wonder whether big-match nerves have got the better of them.

On what we have seen so far, you have to fancy the French and the Argentinians to beat Ireland. And that will mean an early flight home to Dublin - quite possibly on the same day England return to London after losing to Samoa and failing to qualify from Pool A.

Scotland managed to put 50 points into first-timers Portugal, and will inevitably dispose of Romania in their second game on Tuesday. But they are by no means certain to beat Italy in Pool C - and we all know they’ll be hammered by the All Blacks, Edinburgh crowd or not.

Wales should dispose of Fiji and Japan in their remaining Pool B games, but there ends their interest in the tournament as the Springboks await them in the quarter-final. The only positive is that you can be sure they’ll make a better fist of it against South Africa than England did.

And at least Gareth Jenkins’s Welsh dragons look like making the quarter-finals, while the Scots have a reasonable chance of qualifying. That’s not something you can say about the English or Irish.

As for the ultimate winners, I can see no further than an All Blacks v Springboks final.

How many of the home nations do you think will make the quarter-finals? Post your comments below.