For those with a festive hangover, it’s time to gaze into the sporting crystal ball. The presents have been unwrapped, Uncle Fred was given another cardigan, Auntie Barbara the same perfume and little Anthony a signed copy of Wayne Rooney’s memoirs.

In 2008 the Brazilian magicians Kaka, Ronaldinho and Adriano will receive the most amazing offer from Torquay United. The rumour on the grapevine is that this unfashionable little club from the English Riviera are planning the most audacious swoop in transfer history.

It is reported that an oil magnate from the Ukraine is deep in talks with Torquay. Apparently all three Brazilians are seriously considering the offer.

'Speculation is rife that Boycott, Botham and Illingworth will appear in a five Test match series against Australia'


Those three famous ex-footballing musketeers Glen Hoddle, David Pleat and Ron Atkinson are launching a new career in the world of country and western music. All three are renowned fans of Jim Reeves and were spotted in the West End looking for stetsons.

After the fiasco Down Under, English cricket is about to undergo a radical upheaval.Geoff Boycott, Ian Botham and Ray Illingworth are coming out of retirement. Boycott and Botham were recently seen padding up again and Illingworth is back in the nets with Leicestershire.

Speculation is rife that Boycott, Botham and Illingworth will appear in a five Test match series against Australia. Both Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson have just signed a two-year contract with Sussex and Rodney Marsh will be keeping wicket for Surrey.

World-beating tennis champion Roger Federer may start the Wimbledon championships as a Brit. Federer, the Swiss superstar, will allegedly be swinging his forehands as a British player. So enamoured is he with British culture that the world No. 1 is considering full British citizenship.

In the world of rugby union, Jonny Wilkinson, Lawrence Dallaglio and Mike Catt will make a shock move into rugby league. It is believed that Widnes have made a mouth-watering million-pound offer for all three players.

And finally former England boss Steve McClaren will sign a lucrative deal with an as yet unnamed umbrella manufacturers. It is widely believed that McClaren is being lined up for the Gene Kelly role in a remake of Singing in the Rain.