Once upon a time, boys and girls, tennis players of the male gender wore tennis shorts. You're gasping and thinking - ''What, no baggy pants to the knees and beyond?''

Long baggy pants are tennis's worst fashion faux pas this side of Serena Williams and Bethanie Mattek. A Bedouin family lives in a tent made of less material. You wince when imagining Pancho Gonzales, Rod Laver, Jack Kramer, Bjorn Borg, Stefan Edberg et al clad in the pants today's players wear. I saw a recent photo of John McEnroe on court wearing voluminous white pants. Somewhere a sailing crew is missing its spinnaker.

Tennis continually tries to increase its fan base. Here is an idea: Stop being thighphobic. Good legs are sexy. Men enjoy watching the legs of athletic women. I am told women enjoy watching the legs of athletic men. Some women say they watch football because of the tight pants. I rest my case. You're welcome, tennis. I'm glad I could save the sport.

'I saw a recent photo of John McEnroe on court wearing voluminous white pants. Somewhere a sailing crew is missing its spinnaker'


There are exceptions to this fashion disaster. Andre Agassi wore shorts, albeit longish ones. To their credit, Tommy Robredo and Juan Carlos Ferrero wear actual shorts. Leander Paes, the doubles specialist, wears actual tennis shorts. Go, Leander!

What of Rafael Nadal's (insert adjective here: pirate, buccaneer, gondolier, clam digger, pedal pusher, capri) pants? They are simply a caricature of long shorts.

In a caricature, a prominent feature is ridiculously exaggerated. Jimmy Durante had a large nose - in a caricature sketch the artist makes it even larger. You women who think Raffy looks good, think how great he would look in shorts.

Will shorts ever return to the game? Fashion, by definition, changes. Things come into fashion; things go out of fashion. So it could happen. Or today's knee rubbers could keep creeping downward. Either way, legwear will revert to an earlier style.

Once upon a time, boys and girls, male tennis players wore long pants. Then, in the early 1930s, a rebel named Bunny Austin took a pair of scissors and created tennis shorts. We need those scissors now.