Finances tight? Looking for alternative sources of income? Sport seems like a good choice and is virtually inflation/recession proof. Too old to play yourself and definitely no money to be made in writing about it, so, how about your offspring?

The WTA Tour seems very lucrative, your daughter could take her share of the riches on offer, maybe keep you in your old age, in the manner to which you would like to become accustomed.

Perhaps there is a way you could increase your chances of siring the new Maria, Ana or Serena; there are clues here already, but more about that later.

First up, let's look at the gene pool. She needs to be tall, and the taller the better. The average height for a top 100-ranked player is now 1.80m. Only three of the last 16 at Wimbledon are under 1.70m and all are outsiders to make the quarter-finals. If you, or your partner played a little basketball, you have passed stage one. Please read on.

Next, they should be hungry. No, I am not advocating that you starve your children, at least, not whilst they are doing as they are told, but how about ditching some of those creature comforts and heading east?

Not one of the remaining players at SW19 is from Western Europe. We have three from the US, one each from Israel, China and Thailand and ten from Eastern Europe, six of whom are Russian, as are eight of the top 19 players in the world.

So, no French, Spanish, Italian, British (!) or German women, why is that? They have the ability, but perhaps the desire is missing.  Things are certainly more comfortable in the west, why would a teenage girl spend six or seven hours practising on court, when friends, television, the cinema and the mall are calling? It is far easier to make the commitment, when your entire immediate family have made sacrifices and are relying on you, and your career, to improve their lifestyle.

But three US players are in the last 16, of the most famous tennis tournament in the world, I hear you cry. Well, that is true, but two are the Williams sisters, a phenomenon that might come along once every three or four decades. The other is Bethanie Mattek, very much a journeywoman player, a doubles specialist, who has never won a singles title and who has needed a career high performance at Wimbledon just to reach the fourth round.

Lindsay Davenport is the only American, aside from Serena and Venus, in the top 60 and she looks ready to pack away her rackets and head for home – to struggle through retirement on her $22m career earnings.

Vania King is the only US teenager currently ranked inside the world's top 270 players.

So, if you fulfil the height requirements, the next step is clear; give all you worldly goods to charity, keep just enough to pay for a few tennis lessons, and move to eastern Europe, preferably Russia, or possibly Serbia.

Despite coming from a nation of less than 10 million people, the top two women players in the world, at least ranking wise - Ana Ivanovic and Jelena Jankovic - are both Serbian. No doubt, as I type, there are any number of 12-year-old "vics", 1.70m tall, all wearing out the tennis courts of Belgrade.

Actually, that brings me on to step number three: change your name, unless it already ends in vic, eva or ova, otherwise you might as well give up now. Ten of the top 22, including the top five on the WTA rankings, all meet this requirement.

Now, when to conceive this wunderkid? How about August, she could peak on her birthday, just ahead of the US Open . . . are you mad? None of the top 20, or any of the elite 16 at Wimbledon, were born in this most un-tennis friendly month. You have to have a spring/early summer baby, with over 59% born between March and July. April and June lead the way.

OK, now we are almost there, but here comes the clincher. An amazing 31 of the top 50 have a first name ending in the letter "a".

Therefore, let me recap. Ideally you and your partner should be 1.85m-plus, with very little money in the bank, living in Moscow or Belgrade and expecting a child in April or June. Now start playing safe; a double-barrelled name, Jonesovic-Joneseva will do, and again, leaving little to chance, three given names of Elena, Maria, Serena.

Once she is born, take it easy to begin with, but substitute a mini racquet for a dummy/rattle. When she is about three or four years old, start her gently with about 4-5 hours on court per day, but quickly work up, reminding her all the time about her family responsibilities.

What will this get you? Well, if everything works out and why would it not, as we seem to have covered all the bases, about $2m per year, plus endorsements.

If she is also a "hottie", the sky’s the limit. Maria Sharapova is the world's highest paid sportswoman, with a conservative $25m of earnings per annum. She was born in the Soviet Union  . . . time for a quick rethink; house prices are very reasonable in the Ural Mountains.